It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
