she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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