make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
