Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
