Me. At least after what I've been through.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
