i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
