You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
