this beer tastes like vomit already
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your shirt... Was in my pants
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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