One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We need a shit load of segways right now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
