she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
