Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
