you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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