C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
