Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize