You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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