you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
