just come out here and I will go home with you...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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