I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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