So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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