question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
