got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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