I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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