I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
