every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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