never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
