belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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