The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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