What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
