I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
