Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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