I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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