On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
