Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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