as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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