No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
