I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
