He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head