So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.