remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
