"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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