You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
