at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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