He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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