i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We got so high we made milksteak
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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