I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
