I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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