When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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