I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
