her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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