Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
