Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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