I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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