you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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