D3 body, D1 cock
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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