put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
