I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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