I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
