I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
