And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
