my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
