If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
