I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
