Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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