I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My pussy is not your playground.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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