the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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