either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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