You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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