real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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