I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
